Disengendered

The mathematical visual poem titled Disengendered is a pencil drawing created around January 2020. While on a trip to Oklahoma—a state known for its conservative views—I was inspired to make this piece during a discussion with a friend from Oklahoma. She shared with me the experience of one of her close friends, whom I will refer to as “TJ” for clarity.

TJ was struggling with a gender transition. TJ had been born with both sets of genitalia, but as an infant, TJ’s mother cut off the male genitalia, forcing TJ to grow up as a girl. By the time TJ reached the age of thirty, he began to feel convinced that his mother had made a mistake and that he was, in fact, a man. Yet, TJ also carried the lived experience of growing up as a girl and retained female genitalia.

From a distance, TJ appears to be a normal and well-adjusted person. However, the closer one gets, the more complex and confusing his gender struggle becomes. This would not ordinarily be a problem, except that one cannot help but feel empathy for the profound pain and conflict TJ is experiencing.

I sought to capture this paradox visually in my drawing. From afar, the image appears clear—even to the point that you can recognize that TJ is wearing glasses. Yet, upon closer inspection, the drawing becomes confusing, almost to the point where it is difficult to discern whether it depicts a person at all. In this way, I attempted to express my compassion for TJ’s transition struggle, while also pointing toward metamorphic hope through visual and mathematical metaphors.

The mathematical poetic form I used is a “Similar Triangles Poem.” For those interested in understanding the mechanics of this form, I have provided a link below with an in-depth analysis. Translated from mathematics into a lexical expression, the poem can be read in two ways:

• The Lost Soul is to a Cosmic Nursery as Being on an Ocean Raft is to Times Square (NYC).

• Or, alternatively: The Lost Soul is to Being on an Ocean Raft as the Cosmic Nursery is to Times Square.